


I is for Inseparable

by queensimmons



Series: Drabble Challenge: Alphabet Edition [9]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alphabet Challenge, Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Open Ending, and a little happiness because I'm not as evil as you think, drabble challenge, sorta?, undercovermarvelgeek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-08 08:57:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7751299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensimmons/pseuds/queensimmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was broken, like cracked porcelain and her jarred edges shone like diamonds. Jemma wanted nothing more than to be whole again, but her other half lied next to her, debating on turning the handle. The whole thing was bittersweet, it was luck that brought them together, that let them reach this far. She could only hope that their luck hadn't run out. Because in the end, with or without all the luck in the world, they were inseparable and the bloody cosmos couldn't change that.</p><p>Or// Jemma reflects on the last two years of her life whilst Fitz is in the hospital.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I is for Inseparable

**Author's Note:**

> Yay angst. Please forgive any typos as this was written on mobile.
> 
> Tumblr:  
> undercovermarvelgeek

She'd nearly forgotten what it was like to feel alone. Having lived in bliss for so long, two years of pure happiness to be exact, the feeling of loneliness hit like a train; no warning, no preparation.

Jemma sat by Fitz's bedside silently, a tear strolling down her cheek as she held his limp hand. He shouldn't have pushed me out the way, I should've seen the car, Jemma told herself. They were here because of her, him in a coma clinging to his life and her sitting in a plastic chair, helpless, like a plastic bag drifting in the wind.

As she sat, the doctor's words echoed in the back of her mind. "Be prepared for the worst" he had said. It was a simple translation: he might die. Jemma shook her head and laughed bitterly at the irony.

A car accident

Having survived being bullied in school, suffocating at the bottom of the ocean, being kidnapped by a Nazi, and learning to cope with a brain injury , a car accident of all things. 

Is this how he'll go? Jemma asked no one in particular. It wasn't uncommon these days for Jemma to find herself pondering to those she could not see. It was ridiculous, she knew, but Jemma couldn't help but feel the need to blame someone. Be it God or the cosmos, she wanted to place the blame  _somewhere._

Since finally accepting the offer for therapy sessions, Jemma began to see tragedies in life as just, life. She'd been learning to displace all the guilt she had. Her therapist would often remind her; there's no one to blame. People live, then they die. Whatever happens in between just happens. Jemma never believed in much of everything. A woman of logic since birth, she wondered why she hadn't looked at life this way before. Her therapist, an older religious woman, would say it was just easier to blame ourselves than to see life for the monster it really is. But sitting in the small plastic chair holding her husband's pale hand, Jemma couldn't help but say her therapist was wrong ; this was her fault.

Jemma wanted to scream. At herself, at the universe, at Fitz for being a bloody idiot and sacrificing himself for her again, but her voice was hoarse from crying. She wanted to sob, but like the Colorado River,  she was running dry. And besides,  her shoulder to cry on was unavailable. 

Jemma released her hold on Fitz's hand reluctantly and began twirling her wedding ring, a new coping tick she used when she was nervous. If Fitz was conscious, he'd notice. He would take her hand in his and smile reassuringly, his gentle blue eyes would speak for themselves, saying it would be okay. The memory left like a ghost now. She yearned for nothing more than his  _warm_ touch.

Jemma continued twisting her ring around her finger. It was a vintage ring with a traditional feel to it; a princess cut diamond with two smaller ones surrounding it. Fitz had confided in Daisy about the ring, he didn't know much about jewelry and Daisy was Jemma's closest female best friend. Jemma could only imagine how Daisy was able to keep the secret for so long.

The ring reminded Jemma of their trip to Seychelles two years prior. Jemma had set up a romantic surprise for Fitz waiting for him in the room on the last day, imagine her annoyance when he insisted she come outside. Irritated,  Jemma had changed into a T-Shirt and threw on a robe, grunting to herself as she stepped outside. Though when Jemma reached the porch, her annoyance melted as her breath was taken away. 

Fitz had set up a table for two in the sand by the shore,  golden lights spelling four words that changed her life forever.

After Jemma said yes, FitzSimmons flew back to Perthshire and began the marriage process, Jemma claiming she didn't want to waste anymore time.

Surprisingly, they found someone to wed them and Jemma found a dress that suit her. It was nothing major, a floor length lace dress that complimented Jemma's curves in all the right places. Bobbi,  Daisy and May acted as the bridesmaids. Coulson and Mack stood as the groomsmen. The wedding took place on a beach, the only other guests being Fitz's mum and Jemma's parents. It was a small wedding,  but a beautiful one that left all of it's guests in tears. (Fitz was the first to cry, twenty three seconds into his vows. Yes they timed him)

Three weeks later, Jemma grew ecstatic as the pink plus sign stared back at her. Fitz seemed to be more excited than she was, immediately coming up with names and casting his vote on the gender of the baby. Though all their joy drained when a day before their ultrasound, Jemma awoke in the morning, a pain in her abdomen and blood surrounding her. Fitz woke up too, and they cried into each others arms for an hour before cleaning up the child they lost in the night. Fitz had promised her they could try again and you could hear the heart break in the doctor's voice when Fitz called to cancel the appointment.

Over the next year, FitzSimmons focused themselves on each other. Learning to be a couple. Fitz started a new, safer, job working with Radcliffe while Jemma was promoted to the Director of the Science Division. Life was beginning to be peaceful again, the memory of happiness seemed foreign.

The steady beeping of the machine drew Jemma from her thoughts,  the unintentional smile fading away from her lips as she looked at Fitz lying unnaturally still in the hospital bed. Jemma sucked in a shaky breath breath and wiped her tears. She needed to be strong, it was the least she could do, though the tears continued to flow freely. 

She landed them in this situation. She was losing him. She had lost him before, multiple times over but the burn from this time lingered a little longer. There was a singe in the back of her throat, it tasted if acid and burned like a fire. Jemma felt selfish. 

She sat crying, unable to handle the pain in her heart but not wanting to acknowledge it. How could she feel sorry for herself? How could she wallow in pain when her other half wasn't able to feel pain, maybe ever again.

Pain means you're alive,  it means your heart is beating and you still hold some meaning to this world. Fitz's heart was beating but his palm was on the handle of death's door. He wasn't dead, but he wasn't alive either. 

The guilt of being alive was heavy. Like a thousand tons of water gushing in over collapsed levees, Jemma wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. To lie right besides Fitz. To trade spots and let it be him at her bedside. She didn't wish pain upon him, no she would never, but a part of her, the selfish part of her felt it would be easier if she was the one with a foot in the grave. Then maybe he'd be free of the burdens she brought upon him.

As ridiculous as it sounds, their relationship was built upon luck. Jemma was lucky to be partnered to Fitz in the academy. She was lucky he followed her onto the bus and it was luck that Nick Fury found them in the ocean. Maybe it was the stars saving them or the cosmos failing them but it seemed luck was the only thing keeping them together, making them inseparable. If Fitz was conscious he would argue that no, it was their undying love and determination that kept them together but Fitz isn't conscious now is he? More proof their luck was running out.

She was broken, like cracked porcelain and her jarred edges shone like diamonds. Jemma wanted nothing more than to be whole again, but her other half lied next to her, debating on turning the handle to the next step in life. 

By now Jemma's tears ran dry but her cheeks were saturated in tears. She sucked in rapid breaths but didn't even bother to wipe her face. Jemma took Fitz's hand in hers and brought it to her face. She kisser it shakily.

"Please, Fitz" she whispered. "You said you'd come back to me". Jemma could've been imagining it but it seemed his pulse picked up just a second and his finger twitched. The monitors beeping seemed to grow quieter and the world around her drowned out. 

_"I'm engineering, she's biochem "_

_"At the academy, at Sciops, this plane! You've been beside me the whole damn time"_

_"Please, let me show you"_

_"I couldn't live if you didn't "_

_"Then we won't let it"_

_"To the point of no return"_

As Jemma kissed his hand, she decided that nothing, not even death itself would keep them apart. Jemma clutched his hand even tighter,  unashamedly letting her tears fall and sink into his skin. 

_Come back to me._

**Author's Note:**

> I really wished I would've made this longer but it was supposed to be like 300 words ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I got carried away.
> 
> And don't worry, I drowned in the angst too.


End file.
